Tong Portfolio

Anxiety used to be a word I was unfamiliar with. Anxiety was the girl I went to school with but didn’t ever talk to. We knew of each other but didn’t really interact much. I knew her because of friends.

This year, more in recent months, I’ve gotten to know Anxiety. She stops by to visit me every once in a while. Lately, it seems like I see her almost every day. It’s usually an unwelcome visit. I don’t really want to talk to her, yet here she is sitting on my couch. Sometimes she has reason for stopping by, but most times she appears completely out of the blue.

I didn’t expect to be friends with Anxiety. I’m not sure anyone does. Today she made a visit after I hadn’t seen her in a while. I was again questioning what she was doing here.

After pausing the episode of America’s Next Top Model that I had been watching, pushing my homework aside, and stopping to breathe, I let myself wander. I’ve stopped trying to completely deny this unwelcome visitor. Instead I’ve learned to walk with her. Sometimes we chat. Sometimes we just sit together. And sometimes, I show her where I am, I show her that I’m safe, and I politely escort her out.

There are days that we hang out for a long time. Other times she’s in and out. I’ve mostly denied our friendship. It didn’t seem like a steady relationship. I thought she might just go away. Maybe she will.

For today, I look to the corners, the walls, and the ceiling. For today, I know where I am. We’re still hanging out together. She’s present, and we’re having a conversation.

The word HOPE came to me while Anxiety was here to visit. It reminded me that Anxiety won’t always be here. Anxiety comes and goes. But she isn’t my only visitor. Hope is here. Faith is here. Peace is here.

So maybe I can’t deny my relationship with Anxiety any longer. But there’s someone else I want Anxiety to meet. His name is Jesus. When the three of us are together, Jesus initiates the conversation. She doesn’t always leave, but when he stands next to her, I remember just how much bigger and stronger that Jesus is next to Anxiety. He reminds me that I’m not alone with Anxiety.

He reminds me that Hope is still here.